Ella Mae Evans. Wife, mother, grandmother, sister, friend, and the best woman I have ever known. I so wish I could tell her that. When you're young you let things like pride, embaressment, the false sense that you have forever, and your own self involvement to not say all the things you wish you could have said later.
My grandmother and I had a special relationship. When I was young I would come stay with her in the summers and she would play with me. I mean really play with me... hide and seek, yahtzee, life, monopoly, cards, and she even let me get the Snoopy Sno-Cone machine out and make huge messes with that. She let all the neighbor kids come over and play, spend the night, take us to the mall, even to the skating rink. Also, she taught me so much in that time period. She tried to teach me to sew (it didn't stick... I'm horrible) how to shell peas, crack pecans, pick berries, make Mrs. Tricky's sugar cookies, to wash dishes by hand, and to hang up the sheets and towels on the line. (Whenever I smell that smell, it always reminds me of her) More so than that, she taught me what it was to be a good person. I have never met anyone like my grandmother. I rarely saw her mad, and when she was she said things like "oh FOOT!" or she would sigh deeply and say nothing. She was simply the nicest person I have ever known, and she showed me what unconditional love was all about.
As I got older, I felt somewhat like an outsider. I didn't feel good enough, I knew people in the family were disappointed in me. I felt like I was always measure up to people I deemed as "perfect". I shut down around family, withdrew, curled into the fetal position and tried to be invisible. No one understood. My grandmother did. I don't know how she really felt... but I never felt judged by her. She was the only person I could talk to for so long. She loved me for me, for everything about me, good or bad, right or wrong, she just loved me. How do you say thank you for something like that??? I never did. Boy, I wish I could.
After my grandfather died, she was alone. I was pregnant and lived in Baytown. She was sick, and we didn't know why. I would go over there everyday. Things were different and I knew she didn't feel good. It was starting to get to her, and she was losing weight, losing her happiness. She never said anything, I just knew by little ways she would sigh or move or talk. That was my grandmother, never complaining, always smiling... I remember being in elementary and her having to get chemo, I would sit on her lap while she sat in a big chair with an iv in her arm. She never complained. Anyway, I went into labor with Kirsten and I was at her house until time to go to the hospital that afternoon. She couldn't stand to see me in pain. I could tell it hurt her just to see me hurt. After the baby was born she came into my room. Everyone was oohin and ahhing over the baby, but my grandmommy came in and made a beeline for my bed. She kissed me on the forehead, asked me how I was and held my hand. THEN she went over to the baby. I didn't even realize it then, I was so out of it... but when I watched the tape it made me cry. It was just so like her.
I took two classes that next semester in college and Grandmom watched Kirsten on Tues and Thurs for about 5 hours. I was so relieved to have her there, and I think she enjoyed it more than anything. When Kirsten was about 6 months old we moved to Kingwood. I didn't see Grandmommy as much but I called her every morning at 9am. Her death came as quite a shock to me. I miss her still everyday. I wish I could have one more day, one more hour, or one more minute to give her a hug and tell her what she means to me. I know she's still with me, she lives in my heart. I try everyday to live up to the kind of woman she was, I fail, but I try.
I'm so blessed to have had her in my life. She was one of a kind. She was my Grandmommy.
