Too tired....

Sometimes, you're too tired to go on....or maybe you're just a narcoleptic dog. 

"They've Got Each Other"

“They’ve Got Each Other”

 

Last night was the Pigskin Preview at RSS Sterling High school. Basically, it’s where the football team and other extracurricular activities come out, get introduced and show their stuff. This was the new Swing Choir’s first performance.

This is Kirsten’s second year in Swing Choir and I know it’s going to be a fabulously fun year. Her first year was fun, but she was in with a lot of Seniors that she got to know well but wasn’t close to til she became a Swing Choir member. This year, her best friend Valerie Smith is in with her, along with her good friend Austin Putt, that she’s known since they were about three, her boyfriend and several others she’s really close to. (God help the choir teachers) They are already a close knit group and I know that’s just going to make it more fun for them.

I was a little nervous for them last night because it was the first performance as a group… and you know, first performances; the second day of school could be iffy. BUT, they rocked it. Star Spangled Banner… Awesome. Then they did Livin’ on a Prayer by Bon Jovi… was really great! (Except during Kirsten’s solo her mic repeatedly went out) Technical difficulties… she handled it well. I probably would have banged the mic on the floor a few times… but thank goodness she doesn’t always take after me!

I can’t wait to see what the year holds for them. It’ll be the highlight of their Senior Year when they look back. “They’ve got each other… and that’s a lot.” (I couldn’t resist the Livin’ on a Prayer reference people… I’m cheesy like that) This is going to be a fun year!

Everyone's Ok... except maybe Betsy.

Everyone’s Ok.

 

I get a call around 6:15 from my daughter. I know the call is from my daughter b/c her ringtone is that of Stewie from the Family Guy… Mom, Mommy, Ma, Mama, Mom… so I pick up the phone figuring she is going to ask me if she can stay later at Harrison’s. I’m unthrilled and ready for a conversation I’d probably rather not have. Instead, I hear high pitched screaming I cannot understand. I think it might be a humpback whale… but how would it have my number???

Seriously, I go into that uber, freaked out mommy mode where you think your child is possibly hurt or dying. “I can’t understand you”, I scream over the shrieking. “Are you ok??? Kirsten, are you ok???” I’m beginning to hear words and sobbing but still can’t understand anything I can decipher as actual language.  I do eventually catch, “I’ve been in an accident” over and over during this… which is not calming me down any. After what seemed like forever, (which I’m sure was no more than about one minute) where I’m frantically putting on shoes and searching for my phone. (Oh ya, I’m on it.) I get that she has hit a tree while backing up out of Harrison’s driveway and she is ok, but the car (Betsy) has a dent in the back. I’m instantly relieved, and my heart is now coming down from 300bpm to at least 295bpm. “Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need me to come get you? Are you able to drive??”

There is a pause, “Yes mom… but there’s a dent in Betsy.”

“It’s ok Kirsten. Come home. Be careful. And by the way… God forbid you ever have any other kind of wreck EVER, the first thing to come out of your mouth should always be…

 

Everyone’s OK!!!!!!

Thank you Lord for letting my daughter not be hurt. And um, please don’t let this be a sign of how this year is going to go. Gravy.

The Last First Day of School- Senior Year

The Last First Day of School

 

Well, it’s here. The day/year I have been dreading and anticipating for the last 17 years. I can’t believe it’s here. I knew it was coming… I’ve even tried to prepare for it, tried to prepare her for it. (Dang it if kids want to do things their way!)

We wanted four children… but you don’t always get what you want. Kirsten is our only child… and our world has happily revolved around that child since the moment we found out we were having her. I am now counting down, sadly, the last days she will be a “child” in our home.

It feels so sudden, and yet I have thought about this year since her first day of pre-school. What would she be like as a teenager? Who would she grow up to be?

I literally am so proud of her I could burst. She’s smart, funny, a little sassy, beautiful and is on her way to a brighter future than I could have imagined. It’s just as a mom, I’m also a little scared and sad too. (I feel bipolar!!)

Today, I find myself weepy. (For those of you who know me well, you know I’m not a crier.) I even had the “ugly cry” during the movie Hope Floats last night, which I have only watched a dozen times!!! Kirsten and Mark are in for a wonderful year! Lol This is the last first day of school. I remember her first day of school like it was yesterday. She had that sweet baby face, and long blonde baby fine hair and she didn’t want to let go of my hand. I remember I had to almost pry her little fingers off of mine. She didn’t cry… but I did. Today… will be a little different. She probably will have to pry my fingers off hers… but I’ll probably still cry. (Some things don’t change)

I am going to blog this year. (I keep saying this mantra over and over) I am going to keep up with it. She’ll have it when she’s older, and I’ll have it now. We (Kirsten and I) are both going through the ending of something and the beginning of something new. She’s going to savor the last few “real” moments of childhood before she goes off to begin her “real” life adventure. I am going to savor the last few moments of her childhood as well, and try to figure out what the next adventure for me will be. The last 17 years, my job has been to raise our daughter. What is next? I don’t know. Hopefully this year I can start to figure it out. (It’s scary)

Now, all that’s left for me to do… is pray for her… and get the heck out of her way.

End of the Year Blog- 2011 -

2011 was like riding a wave of uncertainty all year. I was happy, I was sad, I was happy, I was sad, it was good, it was bad... I hate stuff like that... although it's better than the alternative, which is all bad/sad... no good/glad! lol. I guess most years are both but for some reason this year felt WEIRDLY out of sync that way for me. I didn't blog a whole lot. But I'm definitely going to do that more this next year... I like it. It's kind of like having a diary for myself and my family... plus I have always been better at writing what I feel rather than saying it. AND I have found this totally NEAT-O site called pintrest.com and there is ALL kinds of things to try. Perfect excuse to try stuff so I have something to blog about!!!

So... Not so Good Stuff: I'll start out with this so we can end on a high note.

Mom had a series of mini-strokes and some other health issues that scared me badly and made me realize how fragile life is.

I had some health issues that I wasn't too "jazzed" about... of course, who is "jazzed" when they have health issues.

Sophie, my small and youngest weiner dog hurt her back very badly. She was paralyzed and she didn't make it. (Am I bumming you out yet... b/c I'm starting to bum myself out) DANG. Almost done with the bad... I promise.

Pat and I decided to close the store front of our store. We haven't decided yet if we are going to continue selling online or making kits, or having crops and classes... in fact we are getting together tomorrow to talk about it. It was a hard decision made harder by the fact that we loved the people and the scrapbook business. The last two years were two of the greatest and hardest I've had... hard work... awesome people and enviroment.

So... Good Stuff...

Kirsten turned 15 this year, which was a good thing. She shines brightly for us... as I'm sure everyone's child does for them. Highlights for Kirsten... she sang a solo AND a duet at pop show last year and we thought she was "da Bomb" She finished the school year in the top 5% of her class... showing that maybe we were right when we thought she was a genius because she could tell you her colors at age 3! (LOL... really what it shows is that she doesn't take after either Mark or myself!) This summer she went to Sky Ranch for the third summer and LOVED it. She is on the Praise Team at First Baptist Church, which is like a Christian band... and she has so much fun doing that. She made Region this year and sounded wonderful... fed a giraffe, ate a ton of nutella and wheat thins, and has some sort of weird love for all things Spiderman.

Mark got a nice promotion at work this year and will start days soon! YEA! He still loves to ride his bike, pound on the drums (I'm not sure if I should put this in the bad or good pile) lol and play his bass. Plus, I still pretty much think he's "da Bomb" (which is a good thing after 16 years)

My mom's slowly recovering and getting most of her memory back. YEA!!! My health scare didn't turn out to be as serious as we thought!!! YEA!

About 6 months after Sophie died we adopted a little (half weiner dog) from the HSPCA... her name is Abby... or Lulu... Or Dingo. Everyone calls her something different... it's no wonder she's not to bright... but she is oh so sweet!

I got to go on TWO scrapbook retreats this year, which has to be some of the best time I've ever spent on myself. I have some AWESOME friends that I'll cherish forever and that I don't see as much as I'd like, BUT I do get to spend some weekends with them when we do retreats!

We had a wonderful time with the Bryants dying Easter eggs and having Easter dinner! I joined a sorority and have had a great time getting to know my "sistas", I went all out this year and went as a house for Halloween. (The house from UP) Had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family I don't see as much as I wish I did and an AWESOME Christmas. This Christmas was particularly good, with great family and a totally relaxing holiday. I can't say I'm not ready to see 2011 go... b/c I'm very excited for 2012!!

Happy New Years Everyone... I will write soon!

Freshman Year

Kirsten's Freshman year has come and gone. How is it possible that I have a child in high school???? Or that the child in question just FINISHED her first year???

This was the first year of high school. I had prepared myself. This is when all the bad things could start to happen. Be prepared. Don't freak out. Pray Pray Pray. Talk to her. Try not to let the little things bother you. Be strict, but not too strict. Believe in what she says, but don't be a fool. Get her involved. Be involved. Don't be too involved. Be there for her. Don't smother her. Gravy, I needed anti-anxiety pills before school even started!!!!

She floored me. That shy sweet child that would make me walk her into elementary school every year showed no signs of inner struggle when walking into the doors of the high school. She was EXCITED. ( I mean, I'm sure she was nervous... but for some reason she didn't want me to walk her to her first class! =P) Kirsten's biggest complaint about High School.... she doesn't like the food... and she refuses to take her lunch. (I'm not sure if it's an uncool factor or that she just hates to bring something extra to school each day) Nonetheless... I figured it went under the category of... Not MY problem. And let's face it, at the end of the day if that's your biggest issue you're doing alright for yourself. I watched... holding my breath all year to see how she would handle all the firsts AND if she would be able to solve any problems for herself. I finally am exhaling (until school starts next year) she made me so proud I couldn't stand it. She danced in Stars, Sang in Choir, performed services in the Key Club, was in the Christian Student Union and above all else... made Straight A's all year. I couldn't believe this self assured, dependable young lady was mine. (Where did she get it???? ) lol

I have to brag on this child. I know next year, she could stumble or fall. I know that in a teens world things change on a day to day basis. But, I'm relishing in this year alone. This year was great. This year me realize how grown up my little girl was becoming... and although it's sad to see that she doesn't need her mommy to help her make all her decisions, it amazed me to see that we could talk about things, and she could make her own decisions (that for now) were awesome!

(By the way... I know that after writing this very inspiring description of my child that she will now dye her hair blue, get a nose ring and fail the 10th grade. ) Hey... but 9th grade was Awesome Ya'll!!!

Now, here's hoping for an awesome summer!!!!

Trying something New

So many people's blogs I follow do this weekly menu blog. I'm not sure why they started but I know why I'm going to TRY it. We've been doing so much better on our war against eating out! lol But, our one downfall is that we don't plan well. So, there are days that if I didn't have anything set out, we end up having to eat out b/c the meat is still frozen. So, doing the weekly menu blog ensures that I have made a plan and that I have thought about it and hopefully will implement it into action. We'll see.

Sooooo, here goes my first weekly menu blog:

Monday- Dinner and game night with the Bryants.

Tuesday- Grilled pork chops, stuffing, and green beans

Wednesday- Chkn breast stuffed with broc and cheese, candied carrots and rice

Thursday- BBQ Chicken, corn on the cob, and roasted potatoes
ADDED BONUS**** Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown will be watched!!!!

Friday- Game Night. We will eat out and then go watch the football game! YEA!

Saturday- Ham, sweet potatoes, and mixed veggies.

Hopefully, this will stick. I'm trying to take the going out to eat thing down to only one night a week... and right now with Friday Night Football games, it's definitely going to be Friday. Although I'm dying for a little PF Changs.

Happy Menu Planning!

To my sweet friend...You're my family.

I can't sleep tonight. I don't know why some nights the sleep just alludes me altogether. I'll pay for it tomorrow, vow to take an ambien, a tylenol pm, not drink caffiene, or to make myself do something I really don't want to do, so I'll want to sleep. But, tonight... all I can think about is my friend.

I got a call from a close friend of mine two days ago. She was in distress about family issues. Things weren't going well, hadn't been for awhile... and she didn't know what to do. After all, they were her family. I listened to her, cried with her, and then gave her the only advice I had, if you can call it advice. I said, "What do you want to do?" and "What can be done?" Everyone has family problems, no ones family is any less than dysfunctional. But, do you allow someone to keep hurting you strictly b/c they are your family? I don't have the answer to that question. I did tell her this though... The term family is subjective. I believe family are people who love you, your spouse, and your children. Family is involved in your life, in good times and bad. Family won't buy into the awful things people say about you, will in fact, come to you and ask you about them. Family has been there for you in the past, is there for you in the present, and you know will be there for you in your future. Blood, is not a criteria to being family. (Ask anyone who's adopted) Family, can be your spouse and children, your blood relatives, your in-laws, your closest friends, your church family, or anyone else in your life you can count on and can count on you. Unfortunately, we as people hurt each other each and every day. Even when we have the best of intentions. So, when there is conflict... is it possible to make it work? I guess that is up to the individual and the problems that have arose. Family has the potential to nurture and uplift, or to alienate and destroy.

To my sweet friend, you have always been there for me, and I will always be there for you. Even though I don't stay in touch like I should, you can call me anytime day or night and I will be there for you. To put it bluntly, (and you know how I love to be blunt) "this is gonna suck." But things will get better. I won't promise you they will turn out like you would like them to, but they will turn out the way they are supposed to.

Love,
Someone In Your Family. =)

A New Month

It's been forever since I've had time to write. I sit down at the computer, check out facebook and absolutely can't make it any further. I completely missed September, but here are some highlights. ( Truly, I have so much to thank God about)

1. Went to a Nephrologist who made me feel lots better. We're going to keep watching my kidney's, but right now, all I have to do is take a couple of tests every three months, if those are good, next year, only twice a year, and so on. YEA!!! Mark and I were so stressed about this. It takes a real load off to know that nothing is happening RIGHT now. =)

2. Kirsten's dance team, the Sterling Stars is in full swing. We have had games, events, and competitions. I had no idea how busy I would be with HER drill team! lol. But we are loving it. Unfortunately, she hurt her foot last week and we ended up in the ER. She has a bruised bone, (whatever that means) and it made all the tissues swell up in her foot. She won't be able to perform this Friday, so she's bummed about that. However, the good news is that it's not broke so she should be back on track in a couple of weeks.

3. Sterling Homecoming! Her first Homecoming Dance. It was a tear jerker. They all had a blast and then she had a bunch of girls come over for a slumber party. I just can't believe how old she is. On the upside, we got to go out with some old friends and made some new friends! Hopefully we'll get to hang out again!

4. Chance has been having issues AGAIN. I swear I need to get medical insurance on this dog. Poor little man, his paw was so swollen I have no idea how he wasn't going crazy. Then once at the doctor, they make the discovery that Chance is going blind. His only chance is to see a dog optomalogist. I just don't know if I can spend that kind of money. He might be my inside blind dog. (Gravy, that sounded horrible.) =(

5. Work has been Craaaaaazy. Which is good, but I'm exhausted! (But in a good kind of way.)

6. My Birthday. I had a great time. Went out with some friends and family. Then got a home cooked meal. Yum Yum. I wanted to go to the zoo, but it rained. I'm so glad it did, b/c now Mark and I are going to the zoo Wed. and it's going to be gorgeous!!!

I need to set aside time to write, b/c I don't think these next few months are going to get anymore less hectic. All I can think about is how am I going to get my Christmas decorations up??? lol.

That's all for now.

~Tootles~

100 Things...

We (Mark and I) found a list I made about 13 years ago of the 100 things I wanted to accomplish/do in my lifetime. We got a pretty big laugh out of some of them. ( I think some of it might need to be tweaked at my age!!!) lol

1. Be truly healthy
2. Be a great mom
3. Be a great wife
4. Show people how much I love God.
5. Ride in a hot air balloon.
6. Take Kirsten on a mom/daughter trip. (Done July 2010)
7. Make a quilt (Done March 06)
8. Ride a bike ride with Mark. (maybe a small one)
9. Flip a house. (hold on... I was too busy laughing on this one. DON'T WANT To)
10. Take a cruise.
11.Go to Hawaii with my family.
12. Renew our vows
13. Go to murder/mystery B&B
14. Go down River (1993)
15. Find a job I love to do (Scrapbook Emporium 2010)
16. Help change someone's life for the better. (Mark said I must check this off)
17. Drive from Maryland to Maine during fall.
18.Take Kirsten to college
19. Give Birdie a Sweet 16 dance
20. Go to Las Vegas
21. See Celine Dion sing (2009)
22. See Sarah McGlachlin sing
23. See Stevie Nicks sing
24. Go to San Francisco with Mark
25. Swim with a dolphin or a seal
26. Write my memoirs (finished 2008)
27. Take a trip on a plane
28. Plant a tree
29. Build a house. (I'm not sure I want to do this either)
30. learn a salsa dance
31. Be passionate about a cause and spend time helping it
32. Get to my goal weight
33. Go camping (when it's cool outside)
34. Make a will (2009)
35. Go to Italy
36. Take Mark to see the Tour de France
37. Redo a Karmenghia (maybe buy a redone Karmenghia)
38. Run a half marathon (HHHHHHAAAAA... I'll settle for run 3 miles)
39. Make a pizza from scratch including dough
40.See the Rocky Mountains
41. Go to Yellowstone National Park
42. Take Kirsten to Vegas on her 21st birthday
43. Learn to rollerblade. (Why, oh why...did this make the list???) 1999
44. Ride in a horse drawn carriage at Fort Wilderness at Disney World
45. Go Vacation in an RV (After seeing the movie RV I really want to do this! lol)
46. Take Photography classes
47. Fly 1st class (however since we mostly fly Southwest this COULD be a problem.)
48. Ride on a gondola in Venice with Mark (or at least at the Venetian in Las Vegas...lol)
49. See the Northern lights
50. Parasail
51. Be happy with myself
52. Be sure to tell all family and friends that I love them and what they mean to me (which is kind of what this blog is)
53. Have a spa day
54. Vote (Done)
55. Watch the Sunrise on the beach (with Kirsten 09)
56. Host a big dinner party (2004)
57. Forgive my parents.
58. Go to Niagra Falls
59. See Rockettes at Christmas in NYC
60 See Ron White do Stand up
61 Go to the top of the statue of liberty (can you still do that???)
62. Read bible cover to cover
63. Make scrapbooks for Kirsten (2006-10)
64 Go to drive in theatre. (2009)
65. Start a buisness (2010)
66. See a shooting star
67Visit every state in the Country
68 Help Birdie plan a wedding
69 Drive Route 66
70 go to the longest yardsale
71 See my 65th birthday
72 Do Stand up (2000 Houston Laff stop)
73 Sit on a jury (WHY????)
74 Go to an auction and buy something (does Ebay count???)
75 Go to Disneyland/California Adventure
76 Go on a date in a limo (??? I've already done this, why do I want to do this again?? I don't.)
77 Go to New Orleans for jazz fest
78 Be there when Birdie has kids
79 Go somewhere and see major snow
80 Learn to say no
81 Go see a UT game (2010)
82 Stop cussing (Gravy, I try)
83 Go to Ground zero
84 Win a poker tournament (2006 Cherokee)
85 Sing Karoeke (2007- if you weren't there... tough, it won't happen again!!! Lol)
86 Skinny dip (or chunky dunk)
87 Go on a shopping spree and not worry about money. (um... right)
88 Foster a child
89 Volunteer in a soup kitchen with kirsten and Mark during Thanksgiving
90 See a lunar eclipse
91 Forgive myself for my past (2010- a work in progress, but it's workin')
92 Have a better relationship with my dad (Done)
93 Send Mark on a bike trip to Costa Rica
94 Save a year's worth of salary
95 Stay in castle for a night (huh?)
96 Get out of debt (almost there)
97 Don't worry about what other people think about me. (I think I've accomplished this)
98 Get on Survivor or Big Brother (No. Thank. You.)
99.
100.
(I left the last two open in case I had some other important things I thought about I guess)

This list made me think of a couple of things. I would like to do alot of these things and this list kind of gives me a reminder of what I would like to do. But, if I never do another thing on this list... I can honestly say I'm happy. I've got my husband... who most certainly is my best friend in the world... and I've got a wonderful daughter, that I couldn't be more blessed by. Plus, the wonderful friends and family in my life. What more could I possibly ask for? A spot on Survivor??? (Gravy, I was young and stupid when I made this list) lol

August 12, 1995-2010

August 12, 1995 is the day it all started. I remember being so incredibly scared, and totally unsure of what I was doing. If I had known then that this would be one of the best and most life impacting decisions I was to make I would have no doubt relaxed and tried to remember each and every solitary detail of the day. (I sure am glad we taped it!)lol

Let me tell you about my husband. Simply put, he is the best man I've ever met. There is no way that I can even begin to put into words what Mark has done for me. He has taught me how to forgive and let go, how to let myself be happy, and that no matter what, he's not going anywhere. He has healed hurts in me that no therapist could even touch. He is my family, in every since of the word. He loves me unconditionally, and I know that is incredibly hard to do. We've been through great times, good times, and bad times. Even in the worst of these, he has never so much as threatened to go anywhere. (I'm a runner~I run when things get bad... and Mark has showed and taught me that I don't ever have to run when it comes to him.) He's the best dad I could have ever imagined for Kirsten. Watching them together just makes my heart swell.

There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for sending Mark to me. I have no doubt that God put him in my life, and I am eternally grateful.

Mark, I love the life we've made together. There is no one or no where I'd rather be than right here with you. (Maybe I'd like to be with you in Hawaii though) Thank you for spending the last 15 years with me. Thank you for being with me when I'm good, fun, bitchy, kind, stand-offish, crazy-good and crazy-bad, moody, brave, and not so brave. I love you, every part of you, your good and bad, your quirks, and your OCD. (lol.) You're amazing to me and I can't wait to spend the next 50 years with you.

Christi

It's Late Again

Here it is, late again... and I'm up. Gravy, I can't be off work long before my hours start to turn around. I guess I need to get back to work.

I know I've totally blown off my 30 days of me. Of course, I really didn't blow it off, but I DID blow off writing about it. Problem is, when I don't do anything, I have plenty of time to write and nothing to write about. Then when I'm totally busy I have loads to talk about and no time to write. Oh well, so are the tough problems in life. Lol.

I've been on "vacation" since last Friday and it has been truly great. I was kinda disappointed that we weren't going anywhere til closer to fall to celebrate our 15th anniversary. We decided to stay at home and get some things done that really needed to get done that we have no time to ever do. I wasn't really looking forward to it if I can be honest. However, it always seems that the things I dread the most are the things I enjoy and the things I look forward to can sometimes bring me disappointment.

We've gotten all the big things done at the house we needed to get done. (Which is a huge load off our backs.) We've had kids at our house all week... which I love. It's been months and months since I've really been able to relax and have the kids hang out over here. I'm always at work and we're always running 90 mph to get to the next thing. I've had lunches and dinners and fun with friends and family. Mark and I have been able to spend alot of time together and we've caught up on our sleep. (Man, that's the best part!)lol. Normally we take vacation and when I get back from vacation I'm already behind b/c I need to do laundry, clean the house and take a nap! But I'm feeling good and like I can go back to work and be productive and relaxed. Weird. It's a first.

I've worked pretty hard on this 30 day thing. I think it's going to stay in progress. I can say that in the last 15 or more days I have decidedly begun to think more about what I'm feeling and less about what people are thinking about me. You can like me or leave me. I've begun to realize that I have a pretty wonderful circle of family and friends to support me. And for them, I am truly thankful.

Day 8- 3 Days in a Row????

Today started beautifully. It's always a wonderful day when I get to sleep in. I mean, not just sleep late, but to NOT have to set the alarm. There is something profoundly beautiful about that. It makes me wonder why when I'm on vacation I don't schedule more days to not have to set an alarm to. However, in that same thought, I'd have to be in Vegas, because I can sleep late!

I got up and Mark and I checked the corpse flower. If you're wondering what a corpse flower is I'll tell ya. First of all, there is one at the Houston Museum of Natural Science. The corpse flower is 5 ft tall and it only opens up for 48 hours once in its whole lifespan. When the corpse flower opens it's 5ft wide and it smells like a rotting corpse. (Hence the name Corpse flower) There is a live webcam on this flower 24 hours a day and the museum is staying open 24 hours a day to accomodate the people coming to see it. It could open at any moment now so people are watching from all over the world. Weird, I know. But an amazing weird.

We all went to lunch and then I went and checked out some of the local scrapbook stores in the area. Some of which I had never been to. Most of these places are so friendly. I just love scrapbookers... good thing I guess, since I have a store. lol.

Came home, went grocery shopping, and paid the bills. That's when my day starts to get bad. (I hate paying bills) Why can't I be one of those women who doesn't have a clue as to how much money is in the bank. Nope, hold on... forget that. That would make me crazy too. How about I just win the lottery. Yep, that's what I want... to win the lottery.

Ok, this whole writing on my blog has taught me a few new things. One... I'm really boring. Two... I have basically had bad days in a row. Isn't that strangely alot of bad days??? Maybe I just never REALIZE I'm having lots of bad days in a row. If that is the case, this whole 30 days thing sucks. Three... I'm gonna have to write about something other than my days b/c I'm putting myself to sleep.

And now I'm off to do just that. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Day 7- I Need My Happy Place

Sorry about yesterday. Yesterday was one of those monumental bad days. I mean, it was just bad. All I could do yesterday, literally, was climb into bed and sleep it off. I mean the day, not a hangover. I didn't want to be awake and coherent for even ONE more minute. And by all means, I didn't want to recreate and talk about my day. (This is lucky for you, since I am trying to work on my potty mouth vice, but I tend to let it rip when I have this kind of day.)

Today was slightly better... still not wonderful, but I'm trying to be positive for my 30 days of positivity and light. Man, the Lord is getting his laughs at my expense. (I understand, everyone needs a laugh now and then... and I figure He needs them more than any of us considering the kind of crap we pull)

Mark is off tomorrow and we're supposed to have a date day/night. However, we have so much to do at home I have no idea if we'll be able to do anything or not. I mean, bills, the lawn, laundry, getting Kirsten ready for camp, bathing the dogs, cleaning out the cars...when did life turn into a series of chores? Well, today I'll try to be thankful that I have clothes to clean, a lawn to cut, a car to clean, a dog to bathe (or three) money to pay the bills and a child to get ready for camp. Man, I can hear how fake that sounds sitting here. It's not all fake... I really am thankful for all that when I think about it.

But for today... can we say, I'm in a funk???? lol I think I need to go back to my happy place. =)

Day 6

I don't even want to talk about it! Poop.

Day 5- I'm goin' DOWN today. =(

Ok, to vent or to try to be positive first??? It won't take me long to be positive so let me get that out of the way.

Day 5. Highlight- Lunch with Michelle =) I'm so glad I had this to look forward to b/c if I hadn't had that I'd be in some deep doo in the positive department. The only thing I could do to improve this lunch was to have made it longer!

I also got alot done at work today. (Look, I'm trying to find positive things...ok?)

Now to vent. Where should I start? The alarm clock sits on my husband's side of the bed and this morning when it went off I half yelled/ half groaned for him to hit snooze. Well, he hit off. Not his fault, but still made me do that jump out of the bed thing with your heart racing, a four letter word on the tip of your tongue and no time for a shower icky feeling that stays with you all day long.

I get to work and finally call the doctor b/c after about 5 months of being sick everyday I've decided enough is enough. (Have I told you I hate going to the doctor?? With a passion beyond anyone's understanding?) They inform me that if I cancel this appointment I will be charged since I have canceled the last 3 appointments. (Pooh... now I've got to go!) I go, and walk into the office only to see about 20 other people sitting in there. (Gravy, you know it's gonna be a long one now!) I wait at the window, feeling like a complete dumbass b/c there is a sign on the window saying... "Don't tap on the window, we see you and we'll get to the window soon." I stand there, looking thru the frosted window at the newest addition to this obviously tortured office staff. I swear, my doctor is wonderful, but his office staff has to be trained by the "queen of crappy service" medical extroardinare. It's like a school they must all go thru to work in the office there. I'm trying to be patient, seeing this office member on the phone, trying to give her the benifit of the doubt that she's on the phone with a patient, until she hangs up with a "love ya, boo". She pushes the window open, chomping on her gum, (I assume) and just stares at me. Ok... "Christi Downs, 3:30...I'm here" She says nothing but hands me the clip board with at least as many papers as when I bought my house. She says, "fill these out" and shuts the window. Um... HELLO... I tap on the window, a "no-no" as stated on the window, but I'm losing my 30 day positivity attitude. "I'm not a new patient." I say. She looks at me like I'm possibly the dumbest human on the planet and tells me that I have to fill out new insurance information every time I come in. I tell her, I've been going to ya'll for 12 years... I have the EXACT same insurance and information that I've had for the last 10 years and I have no need to fill out the new forms that say EXACTLY what the old forms say. (Now I see the office manager... who is the leader of bad service in this office give me... the look) There is a slight look of panic from the newbie as she doesn't know what to do with one like me, who is out of her lexapro, doesn't like going to the doctor, and has also tapped on the glass. (I'm a rebel) They let me go sit down. Where my new HELL begins. We have new big screen tv's now in the office. Wonderful. We are watching Planet Earth. Ok. I sit there for an hour watching Cougars eat zebra, wildebeast, pumba's, bambi-like creatures, and small gazelles... all babies. A-TRO-CIOUS. Um, forty-five minutes later (and honey, it was still on) I thought I might ask someone if I could watch baby seals being clubbed to death... I thought it might be less graphic and upsetting. But finally, mercifully, my name is called. Nurses and Doctors are wonderful... except for the wonderful slew of tests I'm going to be subjected to in the next couple of weeks. I'm having stomach issues... let your mind think of all the neat test possibilities. Fun. I think God is testing my 30 day theory.

Finally done. Back to work, which is good.

Tomorrow is another day. Hurry up, new day. lol

Til then...

Day 4-Cleaning~ Not what it's Cracked Up To Be

Day 4 began bright and early. Of course, part of my plan to clean was foiled by my husband. He slept today and so I had to be quiet so as not to wake him. Well, this makes cleaning no fun. If I'm gonna clean, I want to turn on the radio loudly, and boogie down while cleaning. The whole cleaning in quiet and solitude only made me not want to clean. Uh oh. Don't worry, dear reader, I did get quite a bit done, although the bedrooms need some sprucing... I'll get to it tomorrow.

I had a nice lunch with my mom and her new boyfriend. Then went to up to work for a bit. I came back home and began to start to work on the house a bit more. However, when I went into my room to start cleaning again, my bed began to call my name and I, not wanting to be rude, began to visit it by laying down and having a little nap on it. Upon waking from my nap, I decided to ask myself the question... "What do you want to do????" The answer today is, I want to watch movies. So, I began my night with "Under the Tuscan Sun" and "The Sandlot" . I'm rather enjoying these... and since my secret dream is to go to Italy and spend at least a month living in a small town "Under the Tuscan Sun" is especially fun to watch.

I think it would be a much more fun 30 days to ask myself "What do you want to do?" if I had an endless money supply. Maybe the best thing is to be surrounded by everyday things you can afford readily when asking yourself "what do you want to do?" so that it becomes easier in your everyday life. If I had as much money as I wanted to do what I wanted to do it would be like a vacation, right?? Eh, whatever. The cleaning thing wasn't what it was cracked up to be. And then I had to ask myself... what in the heck was I thinking WANTING to clean the house??? No one WANTS to clean their house, they just want a clean house. However, I have wished many times for a clean house and I know that particular genie "Ain't grantin' me no wishes!." Lol.

Anyway, I'm going back to enjoying my movies and hoping that this next week brings me more interesting fodder to write about. But 30 days of writing I promised, and 30 days of writing you will get... no matter how (ahem) entertaining it is.

Until tomorrow.

Day 3- Let the Fun Begin.

Do you ever look at someone and think.... how the hell did that happen???? Tonight, I'm in a restaurant sitting extremely near a black guy that had a long lightning bolt BONE earring, MC Hammer pants, tank top, a HUGE gold belt and black boots on. Now, you may think... what kind of restaurant were you in??? And I would tell you that I was in a Baytown restaurant. (Alot of people here have a very eclectic look.) But, he was with a pretty normal looking lady (no weird accessories or clothes items) and I couldn't help but wonder, "WHY did she let him go out like that???" Then it hit me... that is some REAL love. I mean, let your freak flag fly kinda love. And it hit me that really all love should be like that. I mean, I'm not telling you to go out and buy yourself some parachute pants and a mesh velcro top, I'm just saying shouldn't we love everyone no matter what they look like, dress like and appear like? What makes people interesting are the little things that we do that are like NO one else. So, the next time my husband puts on his "slacker" t-shirt, cargo shorts with the string holding them together, and his socks with soccer sandals on his way to go run errands around town, I'm going to smile, wave and tell him he looks great and to have a great day. Cause dog-gone it... I love him.

Wonderful news- My friend Mari is going to find me a horse I can brush and pet. I'm lovin' that idea... but not loving the fact that I'm going to have to go all the way to Tennesee to see her soon. =(

Now, for the question of the day.... What do I want to do??? (Day 3) I want to clean the whole house tomorrow, top to bottom and do some laundry. Ok, nothing could have surprised me more than this finding of the day. I HATE to clean... but man, I"m in the mood to do it now. I"m thinking this question stuff is crazy, since I really thought I was going to find answers like, "I want to watch tv, get a massage, go shopping, etc" I wasn't expecting this stuff out of left field that truly I've never wanted to do... like brushing a horse or cleaning the house. (Not that I don't clean the house, but that I NEVER want to.)

Alright... to sum up Day three's findings= "Let your freak flag fly" and " Cleanliness is next to craziness... at least when you WANT to clean, it is."

Good night all. Can't wait to see what I learn about me tomorrow.

Day 2- Back to Work.

For some reason today, I was dreading work. I mean, I usually love to go to the shop and "work" but I guess having this "almost" week off made me REALLY enjoy being off and work didn't sound too awesome. But, I got there and there was sooo much to do I immediately got absorbed into the things that needed to be done, that I realized that I really wasn't having as bad of a day as I thought. Now don't get me wrong, I would have rather been at home today. I have lots to do there, and a nap would have really hit the spot around 2pm but it was busy enough I didn't have time to think about it much.

I met with an old friend today. We had been really close friends, and we hurt each other terribly... the way only someone really close to you can. I make friends pretty easily, but I only have a handful of people I am so close to I would regard as part of my famiy. This was one of those friends. We had resolved the major conflict months ago, but had regarded each other warily ever since. No longer enemies, but afraid of being friends again. We talked today. We forgave today. Gravy, we put ourselves out there... which is hard for both of us. I missed her, and I'm glad we have resolution.

It was a pretty good evening all in all. I laughed and talked with my old friend, til my new friend came to do one of her "cheer mom" projects and I sat there laughing and showing her the cricut til time to go.

Alright, I know, brief and not even remotely entertaining... I'll try to do better. Getting in late makes me just want to go to sleep!

Synopsis: Day 2 of Test. Took a chance, went "all in" began a new friendship with an old friend. =)

Day 1. Coming Home

Day 1 of my little experiment, and it was easy... today. I got up this morning and was thinking home, home, home. Gotta get home. I am one of those people that once you get on the road I"m ready to get wherever it is we are going. But, today because I remembered my test I thought I need to relax... we'll get there when we get there. I decided that I needed to focus on the people around me, and enjoy them. It's so unusual to get a bunch of women together and just have a good time. This trip was coming to an end, but it wasn't the end yet... so I decided to enjoy every minute of it.

We sat around and ate our breakfast and got in the car to leave. I thought there was no possible way to laugh any harder than we had all week, but no... I think today took the cake. We laughed til literally I was crying, Michelle was choking and Mari was snorting. It was a good time. Time past so much quicker when I wasn't thinking about how I needed to get home. Chalk up one for having a good time on a 4.5 hour drive that normally I would have driven at a fast and furious pase only seeing in front of me and counting down the miles as I went. Nice. Riaght? or was that LEFT! (anyway)

When I got home, I saw my husband only for a few seconds before he went to work. I took my suitcases in the back and I THOUGHT about unpacking. But, I have to work tomorrow and the unpacking can wait until tomorrow night. No apologies or reasoning right? I got in this AWESOME bed and promptly went to sleep. Beautiful... and I don't even feel guilty alittle bit. (Hey, I'm liking this new thing.) Kirsten woke me up so she could go see an old friend and I took her to their house. Now, here's where I threw alittle kink in my plan... I did stop by the shop and do a few things I needed to do before tomorrow. But I had missed the shop, and I love the shop... and that's ok.

I did decide that if and when I have spare time, (not at work, with the family, or with my friends) that I only want to do things I really love to do instead of all the mindless crud I fill in my extra moments with. No more suduko, facebook games, tv shows I don't even really like, or ebay searches. If I'm going to do something mindless, I want to really enjoy it. I mean, I only have 30 days of this... can I do that? Sounds easy... but alot of that mindless stuff is addicting. Something else I decided to ask myself everyday was, "What do you want to do?" I know this sounds dumb but when asked this question sometimes... I don't even know. Sad. Tonight, I asked myself this questiona and I got the weirdest answer. And I certainly wasn't expecting it. I want to brush a horse. I want to brush the horse, pet it, talk to it, learn about them. Do I want to ride one? No. But I want to hang out with one for awhile. I didn't see that one coming... did you? So, I'm gonna try to find someone this month that will let me brush their horse. We'll see.

Day one was good. Not a whole heck of alot to report... at least nothing note worthy. But Day one was a success none the less. It was good. And dang it... Nine to Five is on. That's GOOD mindless tv watching. I don't think I've watched that show in at least a decade. So, I'm gettin' to it and I'm gonna enjoy it.

Til tomorrow.

Christi